Research also shows that, due to the voluntary nature of mediation, when compromise is reached between opposing parties after negotiating in good faith, having fully disclosed all relevant information and are the parties are empowered because they are fully informed, the agreement made is more durable that a court imposed resolution.  This means that parties are less apt to try and go back on their agreement to change it when resolution is reached in a good mediation.

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this to convert to a helpful dialogue and resource.

The person that is made a crazy by these “crazy making behaviors” is the other party because the other party doesn’t know how to handle the other party’s crazy behavior: ignore it, respond to it?  So how do you avoid being made crazy by an opposing parties irrational behavior?

The most common question my “sane” clients ask themselves that causes them to spiral into insanity is, “Why?”   My clients ask themselves the following kinds of questions: 

• “Why is he/she doing that?” 
• “What is he/she thinking?” 
• “Why doesn’t he/she do . . . [some logical act] ?” 

If you find yourself asking these questions over and over again during your family law case, either stop asking or go to your own mental health treatment provider and ask them the questions so that your counselor can help you decide whether there is an answer to your questions or if you just need to drop it, assess the facts and proceed with your case regardless of the opposing parties irrational and illogical actions.

After a certain point, asking yourself why somebody does something or trying to figure out what they are thinking when they are engaging in crazy behavior will only drive you crazy.  The trick is to identify when it is still safe and healthy for you to be asking, answering and acting upon your answers to these questions (to defend or prosecute your case) or when there really are no answers to your “Why?” questions and move on with your own plan decisively.

In short, don’t get sucked into overanalyzing the opposing parties crazy making behavior and letting their behavior negatively impact and influence you.

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this blog to become a helpful dialogue and resource.

In Utah, a birth mother can voluntarily give up her parental rights after 24 hours after birth or 24 hours after the birth mother is no longer under the influence of any medication that would inhibit her ability to understand and voluntarily relinquish her parental rights.

The biological father would have the same time frames, etc., except an unmarried biological father need not consent to relinquishment if he has not preserved his parental rights by filing the appropriate declaration of paternity with the Utah Department of Vital Statistics or initiated and served the mother with a paternity action.

I hope this information is helpful.  Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this to convert to a helpful dialogue and resource.

Why would an unmarried father want to preserve his by filing a paternity petition with a court?  I suggest a few LEGAL reasons here, and look forward to reply comments from readers on other reasons.

1.  A biological father wants to be the father to the child he has helped create.  This father must usually be willing to support the mother by being responsible for “a fair and resonable amount of the expenses incurred in connection with the mother’s pregnancy and the child’s birth,” as well as willing to be responsible for ongoing child support.  For specific requirements and obligations, you need to check your state’s specific parentage or paternity statute.

2.  A biological father wants to exercise parent-time/visitation with his biological child, but the mother will not voluntarily allow the biological father contact with the child.  Sometimes an unmarried mother will declare the biological father to the state child support enforcement/collection agency in order to begin receiving financial support from the state.  The state will then seek out the purported father to establish paternity and seek appropriate reimbursement from the biological father for the financial assistance the mother is receiving from the state.  However, just because paternity is established by the state for child support purposes doesn’t mean that the father’s rights to contact with the child have been established and are enforceable, and the state child support enforcement agency doesn’t care about the father’s contact with the child, their job is just to collect support.  The biological father needs a court order setting forth his rights to contact with the child so that those contact rights can be enforced and exercised.

3.  A biological father doesn’t want to be ambushed by the mother or the state at a bad time to start owing support or have a huge support obligation appear from the past.  Sometimes a biological father will do nothing to assert his rights, either because he is unaware that a child was actually conceived with the mother or the mother and biological father separated and lost contact with each other.  Either way, a biological father may not want this past to come haunting him when he least expects it, causing difficulties in his current financial and personal situation.

The above are just some of the reasons that an unwed father may not want to “sit on his rights” and “stand to lose them.”

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this to convert to a helpful dialogue and resource.

A parent will be hauled into court for failure to pay child support.  The parent will say that they have lost their job, or their income has been reduced for some reason or another, and they just can’t pay child support.  The commissioner’s response, ” I don’t understand zero.”

This statement doesn’t come when a parent has been making some kind of payments, even if it is not the full amount that is owed.  At least the parent seems to be trying.  But what the commissioner cannot understand is how a parent can eat themselves and not provide for their child or children to eat – “I don’t understand zero.”

Lesson learned: if you are struggling to pay your child support obligation for any reason, and you don’t want to go to jail for contempt, pay whatever you can.  Keep a close accounting of your income and outflow of money so that you can show what you are spending your money on that is not fully paying your child support.  But, do NOT fail to pay some child support, as you will get no sympathy or understanding from the judge/commissioner if you don’t pay any child support at all.

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this blog to become a helpful dialogue and resource.

For all of you single ladies who are in such a hurry to get married, here’s a quick piece of Biblical advice: Ruth waited patiently for her mate, Boaz. While waiting on your Boaz don’t settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin, Beatinyoaz. Please wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz!!!

The opposing party-parent claimed that my client-parent, allegedly based on information provided by my client, was going to have the young children walking to school on very large and dangerous roads to and from school and that the parties’ young children would be left alone at home before and after school because of my client’s work schedule, leaving home and arriving home without any adult present in the children’s primary residence.  The opposing party-parent’s allegations were completely unfounded, based on assumptions on hearsay, without any personal knowledge of any kind of evidence, admissible or otherwise, to present to the court.

The fact was that my client-parent had not informed the opposing party parent of my client-parent’s enrollment of the parties’ children in their new school, how the parties’ children would or would not be transported to school, or what my client-parent’s work schedule was going to be or how my client-parent’s work schedule would line-up with the parties’ children’s school schedule.  My client-parent had already arranged a work schedule allow daily accompanying of the parties’ children to school from their home and from school to their home, providing full-time personal, parental care for the parties’ children before and after school.  The opposing party-parent’s claims regarding my client-parent’s alleged intended plans for the parties’ children based on the opposing party-parent’s conversation(s) with my client-parent were simply untrue, as there had been no such alleged conversations.

While there was no merit to the opposing party-parent’s claim and the relief sought by the opposing party-parent was denied, the court did not award my client-parent attorney fees.  What?

The judge began his ruling by stating, “This is an expensive way to have a conversation.”  In the end, the judge’s ruling to not award my client-parent attorney fees even though the opposing party’s claim was meritless and the TRO was denied was based on the court’s finding that my client-parent (by my client-parent’s admission) had not informed the opposing party-parent of: my client-parent’s registration of the parties’ young children in the “new” local school; how the parties’ children were going to be transported to school; that my client-parent would be providing personal, parental care at all times for the parties’ young children daily before and after school, or; what my client-parent’s daily work schedule was going to be to accommodate my client-parent’s ability to provide that personal, parental care for the parties’ young children.

So what is the lesson learned?
In a divorce/post-divorce situation where there is a minor child(ren) of the two divorcing/divorced parties, as a divorcing/divorced co-parent, you must (absent other intervening factors or orders) learn to communicate with your co-parent, your child(ren)’s other parent.  It is always best if parent-parties can get along and communicate civilly via telephone, e-mail, or text.  However, if you feel your co-parent is difficult or uncivil, you MUST communicate in writing (keep a copy for yourself of everything you send).  I prefer my clients communicate with their co-parent via e-mail, my next choice is traditional U.S. Mail, and I hate cell phone texts (these are really hard to capture and introduce as evidence to the court).

The key here is that you MUST communicate.  After the experience I have shared above, I recommended that my client-parent that my client-parent communicate in writing to the opposing party/co-parent regarding the parties’ children at least every 1-2 weeks, giving updates on activities, events, etc.  Putting all communications in writing (and keeping a copy) creates a record of communication that documents your good faith efforts to share information with your co-parent.  All other things being equal, had my client-parent communicated in writing to the opposing party/co-parent, my client-parent would have been awarded attorney fees or, even better, we wouldn’t even have been in court in the first place.

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this blog to become a helpful dialogue and resource.

Examples of waste of the marital estate include, but are not limited to money spent on extramarital relationships or gambling.  Marital assets expended on habits or hobbies by one spouse that may be distasteful to the other spouse does not necessarily constitute waste of the marital estate.

The big exception to the rule with regards to waste of the marital estate is when the other spouse has held silent and not done anything to stop the spouse wasting the maritial estate.  For example, if one spouse is always buying lots of clothes, tools, toys, etc., and the other spouse simply disapproves but does nothing legal to stop it, then it is very likely that a court will not find waste of the marital estate, just poor judgment on the part of the waster and lack of will in the other spouse.

Another difficulty with receiving relief when there has been waste of the marital estate is that, though a court may find there has been waste, oft times the waster has put him or herself into such an untenable financial position that there will never be a way for injured spouse to recover the waste.

Please comment, add, refute, clarify or inquire regarding this posting if you are so inclined.  I would love for this to convert to a helpful dialogue and resource.

One of the factors that is looked at by an adoption study evaluator and the courts is the prospective adoptive parent’s ability to financially support the prospective adoptive child.  The single mother I spoke to remained anonymous, and I did not gather her specific financial situation and condition.  I discussed the fact that there are generally three methods of adoption: private agency adoptions; private adoptions (where a prospective adoptive parent finds an available child to adopt, to include a stepparent adoption); and public agency adoptions (from state foster care).  Private agency adoptions tend to cost quite a bit of money.  Private adoptions are much less expensive, but more difficult because the prospective adoptive parent must find an eligible prospective adoptive child on their own, and people are generally not just giving their children away.  Public agency adoptions cost the prospective adoptive parents time, but general enough money, as the state agency will provide the training for the prospective adoptive parent to become a foster parent, pay them when a foster child is place their home, and pay for any home studies, reasonable court costs and reasonable attorney fees as necessary.

Because I gathered that this single mother likely does not have the financial resources, I referred her to the Utah Foster Care Foundation for more information with regards to how to become a foster/adoptive parent, training and other resources.