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The life of a divorce

I find myself explaining this so often to clients that I have to believe that it is something that would be generally useful to everyone.

The life of litigation as it normally applies to a divorce case can be divided into three main phases: Initiation Phase, Discovery Phase, and Resolution Phase.  

  1. Initiation Phase.  This phase is where the written request is filed, requesting the court to enter an order divorcing the parties, commencing the action, and “getting the ball rolling.”
    1. The written request for divorce, called the “complaint” or “petition,” is drafted and filed with the court.  This is called “suing somebody.”  In a divorce case, the person starting the case is called the Plaintiff or Petitioner.  (In Utah the terms used are “petition” and “Petitioner”, so I will use those terms here).  The petition contains all the requests that the Petitioner is asking from the court in order to terminate the marriage and must include, as applicable: names of the parties; jurisdiction; marriage date; children born to the marriage; custody; parent-time (visitation); child support (including medical costs, claiming children for tax purposes, etc); division of property (real property, personal property, retirements, bank accounts, and other marital assets); division of debts; and spousal support (alimony).
    2. Service of the Petition with Summons.  This is called “being served.”  Service is accomplished in several ways: personal service by a constable or law enforcement officer, certified mail, or publication, or other ways allowable by each state’s specific rules on service.  The person being served is called the Defendant or Respondent.  (In Utah the term used is “Respondent”, so I will use that term here). The Summons tells the Respondent that he/she must file a written Answer to the Complaint with the court and send a copy to Petitioner or Petitioner’s attorney within a certain amount of time (usually 20 to 30 days), or a default will be entered against them.  If an answer is not filed by the Respondent (rarely), the Petitioner can file for the default of Respondent, meaning that what Petitioner asked for in the petition will be granted and ordered by the court.
    3. Responding to the Petition.  The Respondent usually files an Answer, giving her/his responses to the requests from the Petitioner’s petition.  The response may also include a portion entitled “Counterclaim,” where the Respondent writes out his/her own version of a petition.
    4. Temporary Orders.  If there are things that need to be ordered during the pendency of the divorce action (process of getting the divorce) until the final divorce terms are ordered, then one or both parties will want to seek temporary orders from the court, including such issues as temporary custody of the children, temporary financial support and temporary allocations of the marital debts, and temporary possession of the marital real and personal property.  Temporary orders sought may also include protective or restraining orders where appropriate.
    5. Setting a schedule for the case.  This process is usually done by way of something called a “Scheduling Order.”  This sets out the schedule  for  when certain deadlines have to be met during the next phase to get ready for case resolution 
  2. Discovery Phase.  This phase is essentially where all the facts are gathered together in order to move to the next phase – to “discover” all facts relevant to the case. The Rules of Civil Procedure are geared such that there are no trials by ambush.  All relevant, known information must be shared or it will not be allowed to prove a party’s case.  There should be no “Perry Mason” moments.  There are several methods that the court rules allow for obtaining facts.  The common methods for discovery include:
    1. Interrogatories.  This is a fancy legal term for “written questions.”  These must be answered in writing and then sworn before a notary.  The party answering must usually return the answers within 30 days.  If a party refuses to answer the questions fully and properly, a court may order that party’s pleadings (court papers) stricken (ignored) and the other party gets what they want for the whole case.  This request will usually include a request to identify any witnesses
    2. Request for Admissions.  This discovery method requires a party to either admit or deny certain allegations by the person sending the request document.  The party answering must usually return the answers within 30 days.  If a party refuses to respond timely to the request, a court may order that all the requests are deemed admitted.
    3. Request for Production of Documents.  This discovery method requires a party to produce any documents requested in the possession of the party to  the person sending the request.  The party answering must usually fulfill the request within 30 days.  If a party refuses to respond timely to the request, a court may order that party’s pleadings (court papers) stricken (ignored) and the other party gets what they want for the whole case.
    4. Witnesses.  Parties will gather their witnesses with information relevant to prove their case.  Parties generally are witnesses in their own case, as they know their facts and experienced the facts as they occurred.
    5. Depositions.  This is where a person is ordered (via subpoena) to appear at a certain time and place to give sworn testimony before a certified court reporter to answer questions by one or both of the lawyers.  This method is not often used by family law parties because of the great expense for court reporters, transcript costs and lawyers’ preparation and appearance. 
  3. Resolution Phase.  There are many ways to resolve as case, including:
    1. Negotiation.  Parties and/or lawyers will generally spend some time discussing the relative merits of their cases to see if there is immediate common ground for resolving the case.
    2. Motion for Summary Judgment.  This tool is where one or both sides file a motion with the court requesting that it rule without a hearing.  In order for a motion for summary judgment to be valid, the facts must not be disputed and it is only a question of applying the law to the facts of the case.  Family law cases are very fact intensive, and the facts are usually contested, so this tool is generally not used.
    3. Mediation.  This is a completely voluntary process where the parties have an opportunity to have a facilitated discussion about resolving their case.  There are many kinds of mediators that conduct many types of mediation, and I won’t try to cover those here.  In many states, attending at least one mediation is required before the parties can go back to court.  The benefit of mediation is that the parties get to determine the outcome and know what the final result will be, rather than risking the expense and possible outcome that a third party (arbitrator or judge) will make.
    4. Arbitration.  Arbitration may be binding or non-binding.  Many times this is called “rent-a-judge,” where the parties agree that a neutral third party will decide their case.  The benefit of arbitration is that it is usually a less expensive process and quicker to get into than a state court.
    5. Trial.  The parties simply cannot reach agreement and are so far apart in their positions that they require the intervention of a judge, who has the authority to decide what the parties cannot or will not decide themselves.  It only takes one party to be unreasonable and force matters to trial.  The judge takes evidence, makes the decision, and enters the divorce order, or Decree of Divorce.  This order binds the parties, and the case is resolved.  My observations in this category show that I personally disfavor going to trial, though I am very willing to go to trial if the opposing party simply will not come to the table for a reasonable settlement.  About 96% of cases are resolved short of trial. 
  4. Post-Divorce follow-up.  Usually there are documents to be signed, and property to be transferred.  If there was a division of retirement(s), then  Qualified Domestic Relations Order(s) must be prepared, filed, signed by the court and submitted and approved by the respective qualified plan administrator(s).

Divorce and Holidays

Holidays are the most difficult times to deal with a divorce. Try to be aware of this and make sure you are occupied with friends and/or relatives.

What does it mean when we say a divorce is contested?  What it DOES mean is that there are provisions in the divorce petition that the parties don’t agree on. The points that are usually contested are custody, child support, division of property, division of debts, and alimony – in short, everything. (There is not much else left to contest.)  In Utah, what it DOESN’T mean is that you can fight against there actually being a divorce.

When considering whether or not to contest parts of a divorce, you must consider the costs, and know that litigating and contesting divorce is expensive, even if you are right.  A good legal advisor with let you know what the likely outcomes of your case is.

See our new page above under “Paternity” on Termination of Parental Rights.

Divorce is never pleasant; avoid it, if possible.

Some divorces are more unpleasant than others, some are incredibly rancorous and bitter. Some people with many, many obvious reasons and justifications for divorce seem to continue to suffer and question their decision to divorce, while other persons with little apparent reasons for divorce seem to easily come to the decision to divorce and with even more ease, go on with their lives. Some divorces are necessary to clear away a mistake that blocks you from leading a better life. Most people find themselves somewhere in-between: after years of reconciliations, misunderstandings and bumps in a marriage that had good times and bad, ultimately decide to divorce; usually one person is more ready for divorce, and the other one unwillingly must go along; after an initial period of increased difficulties, eventually the majority of the issues of the divorce are worked out and the parties reach a sort of separate peace.

The decision to divorce is one that should be given a great deal of thought. It should not be entered into lightly or uninformed.

Divorce Humor

Divorce humor is, almost by necessity, black humor.  In other words, it is funny only because you choose to laugh rather than to cry.  Every individual has their own limit or threshhold of how black they will let their humor go, so I can only represent the limits of my own taste as I share divorce humor that has been shared with me.

Another divorce lawyer, who is himself divorced, shared the following with me.  “The reason divorces are so expensive is that they are worth it.”  This is funny in its way.

At the same time, I must admit that I believe that divorce really is an extreme remedy, though often warranted by the time an individual decides to take that step.

More divorce humor that is funny to me will show up here, but you can find and screen divorce humor by googling “divorce humor.”

In my work as a Guardian ad Litem (representing the best interests of abused and neglected children), I have always sent this to the parents at the beginning of the case.

CHILDREN’S BILL OF RIGHTS

  • The right not to be asked to “choose sides” between their parents.
  • The right not to be told the details of a bitter, nasty divorce.
  • The right not to be told “bad things” about the other parent’s personality or character.
  • The right to privacy when talking to either parent on the phone.
  • The right not to be cross-examined by one parent after visiting or talking with the other.
  • The right not to be asked to be a messenger from one parent to another.
  • The right not to be asked by one parent to tell the other parent untruths.
  • The right not to be used as a confidant regarding the divorce proceedings by one parent or another.
  • The right to express feelings, whatever those feelings may be.
  • The right to choose not to express certain feelings.
  • The right to be protected from parental warfare.
  • The right not to be made to feel guilty about loving both parents.

This Children’s Bill of Rights was developed by a member of the Utah judiciary.

Family Law is an emotionally complex and legally specialized area of law. A good legal counselor in this area can assist an individual in navigating the potentially devastating effects of divorce, post divorce or adoption proceedings. 

A seasoned local attorney once proclaimed “the 4 rules of divorce” as:

  1. It hurts like hell;
  2. No matter how much money you make, it makes you feel poor as though you are flippin’ burgers at Burger King;
  3. It makes you consider doing crazy things you would normally never think of;
  4. It hurts like hell.

I customize my help to a client’s situation, recommending what is best for them to save them money, time and emotional energy as opposed to the “old-fashioned way” of lawyer divorce “help.”  Always remember the maxim, ” It is easy to find a lawyer, but it is difficult to find the right lawyer.”  Make sure that, whomever you choose to be your legal counsel, you are comfortable working with them in and in their technical competency.

One method of reducing costs is by offering “unbundled services.”  To see if unbundled services are for you, go to this checklist and review it to see how you would like to have your legal services needs met.

Since mediation often brings the most satisfactory and cost-effective results to my clients, I have focused on this method of problem-solving in my training and my practice of family law by being trained as a mediator myself and participating in numerous, numberous mediations.  This does not preclude mediation, but ofttimes achieves the best results for clients.

I look forward to reading the contributions of my colleagues and receiving the comments from the public.